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Fake Apple Tablet Rumors

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I woke up last week to find the tech blogs had gone berserk speculating on the rumors swirling around the Apple Tablet - even going so far that PC World's Michael Scalisi published a column declaring that the unseen, unannounced, completely hypothetical Apple Tablet was already a train wreck.

Inspired by John Moltz's (mostly still on hiatus) Crazy Apple Rumors site, I decided to start posting on Twitter the silliest rumors I could think of for the Apple Tablet. So, for your reading pleasure, here are a few of my speculations on what must surely be the real Apple Tablet specifications.

I heard the Apple Tablet will be round.

I heard the Apple Tablet will be exclusively available at the Microsoft Store.

I heard the Apple Tablet in Scotland will be available in the colors of your clan tartan.

I heard the Apple Tablet will have a super battery saver mode where the GUI is turned off, leaving just Terminal.

I heard the Apple Tablet's back will be covered in solar panels and can recharge a Prius in 2 hours.

I heard the Apple Tablet will run so hot that men will be required to wear a modified iPod sock to protect the family jewels.

I heard the Apple Tablet will have a dock where you insert your iPod touch/iPhone and have a dual CPU.

I heard the Apple Tablet will have not one but two cup holders.

I heard Apple Tablet will have a "Back to My Owner" feature where when lost it will call a cab to come take it home.

I heard the Apple Tablet will fold to fit in your pocket.

I heard the Apple Tablet will not only be the Technicolor Kindle but comes with a free Technicolor DreamTurtleNeck.

I heard the Apple Tablet will play movies in 2168p.

I heard the Apple Tablet will include support for FidoNet for free.

I heard the Apple Tablet will include a vibrate mode intended to help with lower back pain.

I heard 1 in 1000 Apple Tablet boxes will actually contain a gold brick.

I heard the Apple Tablet touch screen will be so sensitive it will pick up each individual bristle in a paint brush.

I heard the Apple Tablet will not only include TiVo functionality but can do so in HD over EDGE networks.

I heard the new Apple Tablet won't have a DVD drive, but will support scent-releasing odor disks.

I heard for every Apple Tablet you buy, Apple will donate two to needy kids in private schools.

I heard the Apple Tablet will come with free cell access like the Kindle but includes voice!

I heard the Apple Tablet will play Xbox and Wii games.

I heard the Apple Tablet will have a screen on both sides.

I heard the Apple Tablet will ship with the entire Beatles collection and be signed by John Lennon.

Twitter has a tagging mechanism called hashtags that enables you to group tweets by a particular subject. I tagged all my tweets as #FakeAppleTabletRumors so they're easy to find. I have no monopoly on this brilliant idea, so be sure to chime in with your own fake rumors. Lots of people, including a number of TidBITS staffers, have already joined in. Just be sure to tag your posts in Twitter with the #FakeAppleTabletRumors hashtag as well, so they'll be easy for everyone to find in the Twitter search engine.

 

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Comments about Fake Apple Tablet Rumors
(Comments are closed.)

Bill Garrett  2009-08-04 11:10
I heard that if you collect 10,000 soda can pop-tops, Apple will give you an Apple Tablet free!
Jeff Carlson  An apple icon for a TidBITS Staffer 2009-08-04 11:34
Yes, but they have to be the older pull-off tabs, not the bend-and-stay-in-place type used now. Apple's gonna make you work for it!